With a holiday as long as this one, one can only count before you start thinking, eventually overdoing it and trying to figure your life out in your head. What? You don’t do that when you’re alone? Come on, I know you do. It’s pretty inevitable.
Anyway, there were days I was sad at how my life turned out, thinking I probably should have ventured out into a totally new country - but there’s always travelling - and other days I appreciate what the past few years have taught me. Sometimes I figure out a 5-year plan after getting out of college, only to think it ridiculous after a couple of days. Sometimes I am thoughtless, on other occasions I become an insomniac because of all the thinking.
If you’re asking me where I’m going with this, well, I don’t know. I just wanted to write.
All these thoughts
(I’m sorry, there’s no word I can think of other than thoughts, think, thinking. You get it, right?) have made me realize just how many things you learn over the years. During those times you often don’t realize it, but when you do you often feel silly that you ever got mad or sad or hurt or stupid; everything you do will have an effect on you, be it a week later, a month later, or even a year later. It goes to show that people change, even if you don’t want to admit that. Change is human nature; I mean, seriously if you never changed you’d still think like a baby. Every experience you have is going to change you - but it’s up to you if you want that experience to make you wiser or throw it down the drain, not learning anything, and definitely not changing for the better. I’m not saying you absolutely have to change, it should only be there to make yourself be a better person. Simple enough? It is, unfortunately, easier said than done.
You can say you’ll learn from someone else’s mistakes, but there’s a difference when you explode and you realize you’ve made a mistake. The change becomes permanent. It’s up to you to decide whether that change is good or bad. You see, I’ve learned that life is never what you expect; God is always going to give you something more. It may look as if you’re at your lowest, or this is the worst you’ve gotten, but eventually (and remember, the eventual part may come months or years later, so be patient - again, very hard to do) you’ll look back and understand how it made you better, how you’ve become wiser. The past does not define you, but it never hurts to look back, if only to remember.
I’ve made some rash decisions in the past, and I have stubbornly stuck to them, since going backwards seems too much of a waste of time and money - you might as well learn and make the best of what you got. It’s been three years since, and I honestly would not change it, simply because I really have learned a lot. More honestly though, I probably should have gone to a new country. Going back, what I decide to do with my future, that’s going to be entirely up to me. I have two years of college left (because for some reason, my course decided it will be completed in five years’ time), and I’m going to live it fully. After that, the dreams can start getting fulfilled. I’ll be wiser, think better, and just plain be better. A chapter closes, and a new one begins.
PS. Listen to Jason Mraz’s 3 Things.